Blog posts, my creativity, my fears and resolve?

As you might have noticed, I’ve been publishing a blog post, every day, for the last few days. I’ve set myself a ‘mini goal’, with the hopes that doing this might help my creativity.  Not only in blog posts, but my general creativity.

There is a method to my madness. Or I’m at least mad (we already know that 😉 ) and this is a different method than what I’ve tried in the past.

For too long I’ve had a large number of thoughts in my head which I’ve wanted to share, but I’ve been afraid to share them. Afraid that people might not like my views, which I’m coming to accept will be the case, and that’s OK. Afraid that by sharing an idea, someone else might take it, run with it.. and actually succeed with it. I’d see that as my loss.  Whilst that is a downside, at least someone would make something of it, and I wouldn’t have to think about it anymore.

I worry myself that if I present my thoughts and creativity endeavours, what if after I’ve said a few things, I can’t find anything else to say?

At this point of the post, you can probably tell I’m rambling. But I am getting to a point.

The other though is that if the ideas that have been gestating in my head are out, I can think about other things and generate new ideas. I feel like my brain is a full box and with all the current thoughts, I can’t escape.

Now, I know creativity works differently for everyone and I can only hope my latter theory proves true for myself.

For instance, I’ve been working on a songwriting project for a few years now. Writing, setting up ‘virtual’ infrastructure, gestating. Looking back at some of my original notes, that idea was born in 2012.

I haven’t done anything or shown anyone outside of my family it yet. Actually, I lie, I did do one performance of a new song, once, to a smallish crowd.  That’s it. But I have big plans and dreams.  In only the last few days, in doing these posts, have I felt like I can actually make this happen.

And here is the crazy thing.  I’m scared.  Not about actually presenting and performing what I’m working on. I’m actually scared that I might succeed.  I know some people have stage fright. In the times I’ve performed, I haven’t.  I guess I think too much about possible outcomes, which is something in itself. I over analyse.

I’m wondering if I’m alone in this feeling? People being scared, not about performing or getting up in front of people, but actually succeeding in what they want to achieve.

I need to apply myself to the “The Cult of Done Manifesto“, at least with songs, because songs are never finished, but they get to a point where they can be made public.

So what is my point that I promised mid-ramble?

I need to trust myself more. I need to believe in myself more. I need to share more of my ideas and thoughts.

In closing myself off with my thoughts and actions, I’ve closed myself off to opportunities I should have taken ages ago.


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